or depressive breakdown

so my mom did in fact have a stroke, it’s mild but she has several other health issues so it’s going to be a difficult process (at least that’s what the doctors are saying) and im not sure how to deal with it tbh. ive just been sitting by her side, wiping away her tears while trying to hold in my own and my chest feels so heavy i can’t breathe. none of this feels real, for a long time ive fealt like i don’t exist and that this is all some weird dream that i cant wake up from. for the past year and a half, my family has had so many horrible things happen and it’s getting worse and worse. i dont want to live like this anymore but i also dont want to die. i feel like im stuck, glued in one place and watching my life crumble and i dont even care anymore. this is such a personal post and probably very random but im just in a weird mood. my depression is getting worse but also, better? i finally feel so motivated to go out and enjoy my life and spending time with my family for once but we don’t have the money or time to do anything so most days im stuck at him in bed, miserable and alone because everyone i love lives hours and states away. this post is so stupid and embarrassing, but i feel a little better posting it and feeling like a small weight has been lifted. there’s so much more i could cry about but for my own sake, ill stuff it down a bit longer because im so tired and i just wanna go to bed. thank you for reading this random ass post and i love you all.